Why I Love Old-World Habits but Refuse to Live by Old-World Rules

During a recent book talk, a student asked me how I navigate the tricky reality that the wrong kind of traditionalism seems to be making a comeback. It’s the question that keeps many of us up at night; how to honor ancestral wisdom without getting lumped in with the “tradwife” crowd or other movements trying to glamorize submission as empowerment. Let’s talk about that. Here’s a small sample of the rules that the women in our Latin American ancestral lineages were expected to follow:

• A young woman could not go out without an escort — and certainly not wander alone in male-dominated spaces.
• Social visits had to be supervised. Entertaining male guests or being seen in mixed company without family present could cause scandal.
• Even standing by a window or on a balcony could be considered improper, depending on your social class — someone might gossip.
• She was expected to speak modestly, laugh softly, and avoid seeming “too bold.”
• Politics and public debate were off-limits; a woman who spoke out risked being labeled a troublemaker.
• She was to dress modestly, guard her virginity, and behave in a way that protected her family’s “honor.”
• A single rumor could ruin her life — social exile, loss of marriage prospects, and economic hardship could follow.

  I’m old enough to have met my great-grandmother and my grandmother’s siblings — and to have heard the stories firsthand. Very few of these customs lingered, even in lighter form, like shadows of an older world. The feeing was like a ghost. You felt it, but you weren’t sure what it was. If you’ve ever witnessed this in action, you know the feeling: panic. The idea that a woman could be looked down on or criticized – or even punished – for simply laughing too loudly, or standing at her own balcony, feels suffocating. American women – for the most part – have been free from this level of control for at least three generations. But in much of Latin America, it wasn’t so long ago. That closeness changes how we remember the past. In my country, divorce became legal in 2004. So when I hear tradwife influencers or podcast bros talk about “returning to an earlier era,” I can’t help but wonder if they realize what that actually means? They’re romanticizing a time when women couldn’t leave the house without a chaperone, couldn’t own property, couldn’t get divorced, and certainly couldn’t have a credit card. If her husband was beating her? No way out. Who exactly wants to go back to a time when we had no legal name, no voice, and no power?   The truth is, the “good old days” they idolize were dark and narrow for women. They’ve had the privilege of never feeling that quiet panic of being allowed to do nothing — because American culture moved toward openness for women much earlier. Your great grandmothers were probably somewhat free of very restrictive cultural and social etiquette for women. And yet, I understand the appeal. They want the slow mornings, the sourdough starter, the chicken coop, the linen aprons, the garden in bloom. Those parts are beautiful. You see these images on YouTube or Instagram – like Ballerina Farm’s TikTok – and you’re sold. You are so tired of today that you wouldn’t mind going back and living like that. But here’s the work: we have to separate the values from the practices. We can reclaim the peace and the homemaking, and baking, or making some dishes from scratch – without surrendering the hard-won freedoms older generations never had. That’s the real Señora Era – honoring our roots while staying awake to what they cost and making a new version of the señora, one that’s empowering, unfettered and free.

Do you think we can reclaim old-world values without repeating the old-world machismo?